Seasons Change

SEASONS CHANGE 

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A little over a year ago I began working a new job. I was desperate to leave the toxic work environment I was in and the day after my knees hit the floor begging God for something else, He opened the door to Ascent. As I started working here, they warned me - you will grow, you will stretch, you will be pushed, you will bend, you might break, it will take time, you will have grace extended (over and over and over), you will be loved, you will be asked to go the extra mile - YOU WILL CHANGE. 

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They were not wrong. Every day with this company I’ve changed. Similarly, I’ve watched the seasons change month to month. You might be thinking, “Louisiana only has like two seasons - summer and slightly-less-hot winter.” But let me explain. 

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Not long after starting this job, I began serving in the Lake Providence area. “Where the heck is Lake Providence?” I said to myself. Well, it’s about an hour and a half northeast from Monroe. Not a short drive, but I enjoy being on the road so I took to the challenge and quickly learned my way. The first thing I noticed were the cotton fields. “Why is there snow on the ground in September? Oh. That’s not snow.” But let me tell you, it was SO beautiful. I had never actually seen fields of cotton before. Each month I noticed something different in the fields, cotton growing, cotton in bales, plowed fields, new seeds, corn fields, high stalks of corn, corn cut down, plowed fields, new seeds, cotton growing...

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As if in tandem, looking back on the last year I’ve noticed similar seasons of change and growth in my life. I’m beginning to recognize the things I’ve had to let go of in order to make room for new crops to sprout in my life. Between being pulled by the families I serve to being to being pushed to be my best self by my coworkers to becoming more involved in my church to planning a wedding, there have been plenty of changing seasons. The past few months I’ve felt a little rough around the edges and disheartened by the ins and outs of my life. Although my work has improved, my self worth and self care has become stagnant again. (I say “again” because it seems to be a pattern for me - do good, take care of self, move self to back burner, recognize brokenness, do good, take care of self, etc.). Driving to Lake Providence Monday morning all I could think of was how absolutely beautiful the fields were. They always are. Be it the freshly plowed field or the miles of green, I never pass these fields without recognizing their beauty. 

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As I write these thoughts, I can literally feel God placing it on my heart that it’s time for a new season and that's why my heart has been so out of wack recently. Change is never easy, and I don’t know what He has in mind. With a wedding just under six months away, I know change is imminent. My goals in my job and personal life continue to grow and that honestly scares the shit out of me. But I can somehow feel His peace - “It will be okay” He says. It’s time to plow the fields and learn to love myself. It’s time to plant seeds of self-care and extend the same grace to myself that I extend to those around me. It’s time to let change happen and learn not to fear what that change looks like. My future is just as beautiful as the fields I drive by week to week - and how cool is that? 

P.S. I stopped on the road (safely while no one was coming from either direction) just to take this picture because I legitimately could not contain how astounded I was by the beauty and significance of an empty field.